 Hi. I’m Perimenopause. But you can call me Peri. Yes, me. The one your wife blames for the tension in your house. I figured it’s time we talk. Hormonal storm to man. Because you’re not crazy. And your wife is not losing her mind. I’m rearranging things behind the scenes. Before you take another mood swing personally, before you assume she’s “changed,” before you wonder where the woman you married went… Let me explain what I’m doing to her body. First, understand this: I am not menopause. I’m the 10+ year transition before it. Her hormones don’t gently decline. They spike, crash, surge, disappear, and reappear with no schedule. One day, she’s fine. The next day, she’s overwhelmed by things that never bothered her before. That’s not personality. That’s biology. Research shows that when partners learn what perimenopause actually does, marital satisfaction improves because symptoms stop being misread as character flaws. What I’m doing to her (that you can’t see)
She doesn’t recognize herself some days. Imagine how that feels inside her. Surveys show many men notice poor sleep and low energy but don’t connect them to perimenopause, which leads to misunderstandings at home. The biggest mistake husbands make You think this is about you. It’s not. When she’s distant, irritable, forgetful, or not interested in sex, your brain says: “She’s pulling away.” “She’s unhappy with me.” “She’s changed.” No. I changed the chemistry she’s operating with. Partner guides from menopause clinicians emphasize this exact point: don’t personalize symptoms that are hormonal. What helps more than you realize You don’t need to fix this. You need to understand it. Here’s what actually helps her nervous system settle:
Education for husbands has been shown to improve relationship quality during this phase. About intimacy This one is hard to talk about. I often lower her libido, cause dryness, and make touch feel different. If you respond with pressure, she feels broken. If you respond with patience, she feels safe. Safety is what brings closeness back online. The secret she may not know how to say She’s scared. Not of you. Of feeling like she’s disappearing. When you stay steady, you become the proof that she’s still loved, still wanted, still seen — even when she doesn’t feel like herself. Your role in this season You are not fighting your wife. You are fighting me. And you win by:
Your wife is not trying to be difficult. She is trying to survive something invisible. Don’t lose your mind. And don’t lose your wife. Learn what I’m doing so you can love her through it. 🌿 
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 The other day, a software update popped up on my phone. Nothing unusual. We see them all the time. But this time, I didn’t rush to tap “later.” I actually read the screen. And as I read it, I felt something deep in my spirit. This wasn’t just about a phone update. This was God speaking to me about the current season of my life. Some of the lines on the screen stopped me in my tracks:
I just stared at it. Because every single line felt like it was describing what God has been doing in me. We are very disciplined about updating our devices so they can function properly. But how often do we allow God to update us? “The device is protected with improved security.” That line is about boundaries. When God is the source of your upgrade, your security improves. Your “no” becomes clearer. Your reactions become calmer. Your tolerance for chaos gets lower. Your awareness gets sharper. You’re not becoming difficult. You’re becoming secure in who you are and whose you are. “Changes may vary depending on environment.” Who you are in survival mode is not who you are in peace. Who you are in chaos is not who you are in safety. The environment affects performance. That’s not a weakness. That’s design. Some of us learned to function in broken environments and mistook that for strength. But God does not design us just to survive environments. He restores us so we can thrive in the right ones. When the environment changes, the system must update. And sometimes God changes the environment so the update can happen. “Security patch level.” I didn’t even know what this meant at first, so I looked it up. A security patch level is the date your device was last updated to fix vulnerabilities that could be exploited. It’s proof that the system has been strengthened where it was once exposed. And when I read that definition, it hit me. That’s exactly what God has been doing in me. A security patch in life looks like:
God is patching the places where you were once vulnerable. “To get the best from your device, please keep your device up to date.” This might be the most powerful line of all. Because we want the best out of our lives without allowing God to update the system that runs them. We want peace with old thought patterns. We want joy with old wounds. We want healthy relationships with old boundaries. We want new results with old expectations. It doesn’t work like that. You cannot walk into a new season with an old system. “Pause.” When a phone updates, you can’t use it. It has to sit still. Processing. Installing. Securing. Sometimes God pauses parts of our lives so the update can finish. And the pause is not punishment. The pause is not failure. The pause is necessary for the upgrade. The real question We are all being upgraded by something. The real question is: Who is your source? And what is your security patch? Because not every upgrade is healthy. Some updates come from trauma. Some from other people’s opinions. Some from survival mode. Some from broken environments. But when the update comes from God, it doesn’t corrupt you. It restores you. Final thought That software update on my phone wasn’t random. It was a moment where God used something ordinary to remind me of what He’s doing in me in this season. Because to get the best from your life, you have to keep your system up to date. And you have to make sure the source of your upgrade is secure. We are all being upgraded. The real question is: Who is your source and what is your security patch? With love, Dee  7/23/2025 4 Comments The Energy for Change- Part 1 You've come to this place. You've been here before, but only in your dreams. This is the place where you admit, out loud, that your current and past performance just isn't cutting it anymore. It's the place where you start to see yourself cutting ties with everyone and everything that no longer serves your life's mission. You're in a purging season, and this time, you wake up and realize: This can't be a dream anymore. You have to tap in. You have to activate the energy required to create real change. So how do you make that change? You need energy, You need passion, You need the wisdom of God to guide you through both necessary endings and new beginnings. Many are the plans in a person's heart, but the will of God will always stand, no matter how life flows. That's why spiritual alignment is the first step to lasting change. Change requires your consistency. You are the change agent. You are the driver behind the wheel. Your attitude, thoughts, words, and actions must align. Because if they don't add up, they won't produce the outcome you're praying for. Change can't be a part-time job. You must be committed, full-time, to developing the mindset and skill set necessary to change the game called your life. You have to own your ability to change and push it forward with intention. Take inventory and check your mindsets and habits. What needs to be eliminated? What needs to be upgraded? What needs a full-on, no-going-back, level-up? Check in on your energy source. No one can give you the energy needed to execute your plan. You need to align with your power source. God is mine. He has a way of resetting my internal lens so I can see the path clearly when life gets cloudy. Surround yourself with a cultivated circle, people whose performance and track record are worth studying. And don't copy—study. Everyone's assignment is different. But sometimes, we need a living reminder of what's possible. If your energy has flatlined, it's time for an infusion. The move forward must be well thought out and strategically focused, and balance is the key. Get your daily dose of energy. Create a "vitamin pack" that sustains your vision and propels you into the next level. If you're putting in the work, you shouldn't be in the same place by the end of the day. Even small steps are still progress. Structure your time and energy. There must be deposits, not just withdrawals. Remember balance is key. And don't be afraid to add variety. It really is the spice of life. Let's try something together. Inspired by Bill Hybels’ Six-by-Six framework, starting August 1st, 2025: 1. Identify six things you must speak energy into. These can be projects, tasks, or personal initiatives. 2. Write each one on an index card. 3. For the next 6 weeks, speak energy into these six things. Create a structure to determine the amount of energy each one requires. Make this your Energy Infusion Chart. Structure + Energy = Change But before you begin—be real. Be honest about where you are and where you need improvement. Get the new knowledge you need from your source. Tap into the energy required. Do the soul work that will bring forth the change you've been craving. Let this be your shift. Let this be your season of action. Let this be your energy for change. Part 2 coming soon... With Love, Dee Will You Be There?The vision is clear, the calling is loud, and the time is now.
On August 8th, we’re not just hosting an event, we’re planting something sacred. Join us for the soft launch of H.O.P.E. — Helping Overlooked People Evolve, a night of art, poetry, and purpose. This isn’t just a program, it’s a movement rooted in healing, truth, and transformation. H.O.P.E. is more than a feelings; it's our foundation! Thursday, August 8, 2025 6:00 PM – 8:30 PM 861 Gerard Ave, Bronx, NY Tickets: https://bit.ly/4077Sor 6/4/2025 5 Comments Have You Seen Jonah?
It's Time to Stop Running!Over the past four months, God has allowed me to witness His invisible hands at work—on me and mine. I've seen things that should have taken months come forth in mere weeks. I've received spiritual convictions and repented in several areas of my life. And truth be told, I am still healing—even during God's rapid movement. Have you seen Jonah? For those unfamiliar with his story, Jonah is a man mentioned in the Bible (Book of Jonah, chapters 1–4). He was given a divine assignment—to carry a word of warning and salvation to the people of Nineveh. But Jonah loathed the people of Nineveh. He didn't think they deserved God's mercy, and he certainly didn't want to be the one to deliver it. The problem was—God disagreed. So, when Jonah ran from the call, he ended up in the belly of a great fish until he surrendered to the will of God. Where am I going with this? God had me reflecting on this story after speaking with a few of my sis-stars. You see, sometimes God wants to use us to carry a word or complete an assignment that will elevate someone else to the next level. But if we're honest, sometimes we don't think that person is worthy—of God's tea or even our own. So we refuse to move. We withhold the information, the connection, or the encouragement God gave us to give. Don't get me wrong—I've been Jonah, too. There have been many moments when God has told me to deliver a message (and most of the time, it's to pray for someone), and I've hesitated. Sometimes, it's fear that they won't receive it. Sometimes, I'm not even on speaking terms with the person. HOWEVER—God doesn't let me off the hook. No, He may not throw me into the belly of a beast, but He does deal with my heart through the power of the Holy Spirit. And when I finally submit to His will, I realize this: There is a cost and a timer on the oil. The oil flows only over the assignment God has given you. He is a God of covenant. That's why He created the rainbow—to remind us of His promise never to flood the earth again (Genesis 9:13–17). He keeps His word. And if He has placed an oil with a specific assignment inside of you in a particular time and person—and you don't deliver it—you become a hindrance to His will. And I don't ever want to become a hindrance to God. In this season, God is removing every obstacle. Yes, this is a year of grace, but it is also a year of miracles, signs, and wonders. Just look at Jamal Roberts' win on American Idol—one of many signs of what's to come. The ground is fertile, but God's people are sleepwalking. Faith alone won't carry you in this season. God is looking for obedience, even when your flesh doesn't agree with His choice, even when you feel like that person shouldn't be the one chosen. God sees the heart—and He sees your heart too. And He will not allow any Jonahs to stop what He's set in motion. I'm praying for my own heart right now: That I will have spiritual eyes that see, spiritual ears that hear, and an obedient spirit that moves. Because the truth is—our inability to move could be holding up someone else's assignment here on earth. We need each other to thrive. We need each other to fulfill God's will. So, if you're a Jonah today, stop running. Repent. Do the will of your Abba. Be the blessing He designed you to be. It might be someone else's turn today, but your time is anointed and appointed too. No one can stop the will of God. With love, —Dee  Want to tell yours? Whether you’re a storyteller, truth-teller, faith-walker, or healing-through-the-storm type of writer—your voice matters. If God has placed a word, testimony, or reflection on your heart, this is your moment to release it.
✨ Let’s amplify stories that shift atmospheres. 📩 Tap the button below to send an email with the subject line: Guest Blogger 2025 Let me know a little about you, your writing focus, and what message you’d love to share. I’ll be in touch! 5/5/2025 7 Comments Look Before You Pour!A T.E.A. Lady's Confession on Discernment, Depletion, and Divine Redirection  People who know me know me as the T.E.A. lady. And I don't just mean the kind you sip in a cup. I mean the kind that costs you something—T.E.A.: your Time, Energy, and Attention. I pour it freely. I always have. It's how I share my love, serve, and move purposefully. But recently, God pressed pause on my pouring… and whispered: "Look before you pour." We've been taught to look before we cross the street—but no one told us to look before we pour. I've been pouring into people, places, and projects for a long time. And only now, in the stillness of my depletion, do I see it clearly: I was pouring without protection. Red Flags I Missed While I Was Pouring: When words didn't line up with actions. When people made promises and broke them. When deadlines came and went without any acknowledgment. When I was left feeling… unsettled, unseen, and silently dismissed. The Cost of Pouring Blindly: Now that I feel empty, I realize something sobering: I'm the only one to blame. I wasn't being taken advantage of—I was bypassing discernment. Dear Dee, Empty cups can be filled. Broken cups cannot. And when you pour into broken vessels, your tea—your time, energy, and attention—seeps out—wasted & misused. The Heart of the Helper: I think, for me anyway—I can't speak for anyone else-- I was always looking for someone to help. It's who I am—a helper by nature. But this season, I faced a hard truth as I looked at the backs of people who walked away: some people don't want help. And if you don't assess the condition of the cup, you'll keep pouring into what can't or won't hold you. That's not love. That's leakage. Love does not mean emptying yourself for people who refuse to grow. The Boundaries That Are Saving Me: I'm living by a new set of boundaries, and these are my truths. Sometimes, a door has to be locked. Access has to be limited. Not to punish people, but to teach them that your tea is valuable. That you are valuable. What God Is Restoring: God is restoring self-love in me. And honestly, I don't know if I ever truly had it. I've been pouring out love for so long that I forgot to give it to myself. And that is no longer okay. Not in this season. Not ever again. Again, my message is to look before you pour because your tea deserves a worthy cup. -With Love and A Limited T.E.A. Edition:) Dee Seasons Change, |
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For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11
Jeremiah 29:11
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