Our Fresh Start!!!

                                   The Truth About Our Love

Deepassionate1 Speaks

Last weekend I had a breakdown moment, let's blame it on the Corona Virus, but give honor and glory to God for turning my breakdown moment into a breakthrough moment for my marriage. For those of you who know me, you know that I got married at the age of 20 and I am still married today. Am I still in love with my husband? YES!!! Do I have moments when I get frustrated with my marriage and my husband? YESSSSSSSSS! So what do I do in those moments? Moments??? Yes, I've had many moments during my almost 21 years of marriage. When I am in my moments, I cry, write, talk to my sisters, pray, cry some more and write my husband long text messages pouring out my feelings. During my last texting rant, my husband responded in such a way that I felt liberated and renewed in the moment. He said two words that shut everything else down. "FRESH START" How could I keep ranting? (Even though I did for a few more messages:) I was being offered a fresh start by the man who I loved and made a vow to till death do us part.  I took it and didn't look back.

SO WHAT DOES A FRESH START LOOK LIKE FOR US?

It started with us doing a few things.

1. We took the the personality test on http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp. This test provided very insightful information about our personalities. My husband and I are both introverts, surprising I know, most people think I am an Extrovert, but I have many moments when I just withdraw from the world and if I am not intentional about coming back out, I can stay there longer than I should. This test also gave us a lens to look through because we both are comfortable being in our own zone, we have to be intentional about setting time aside daily for us. Before Covid19 we didn't acknowledge the effects of this on our marriage, but being home we started to see a pattern that needed to be modified. We could not deny our feelings or actions anymore.

2. Being Intentional about our love   One intentional act is requested or suggested from each other daily. 
My intentional act for today was to oil and brush Q's beard with my mix of essential oils.
His intentional act was a writing session with me:))) (I will share our session down below.)

3. Staying in the present moment  Philippians 3:13
"No, dear brother and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on one thing, forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead."
I made a new vow to my husband and that is to stay in the present moment, not looking back, while trusting God that each day given would be better than the day that was left behind. Will this be a perfect process? Heck no, but with God in it, it will not fail! 
​

Our Session

April 20, 20
4:33pm
Harlem/ Bedroom
Energized

Our Tap In: What comes to your heart and your mind when you think about "Our Marriage"?

After jotting our list for a minute, Q made a wonderful suggestion. We decided to put our list side by side so we could see our thoughts together.  

Q's List                                     Dee's List
Love                                           God
Patience                                  Frustrating
Commitment                        Love
Energy                                     Been together forever
Timing                                      Needs work
Effort                                         My husband
In tune                                     Being a wife
Understanding                    Takes two
Consistent                             Willing to try
                                                    Pray for our love
                                                    Our kids 

After discussing our list we accepted the challenge to use all of our words from our tap in in a piece about our marriage. We chose our style and wrote. Q picked a poem and I did a free write. Both entries are below. I also included a pic of Q's notebook. It was created in 2018 as a dialogue journal for us, but we never really used it. Last night I saw that Q picked it up and started to write in it. I was excited to see him  in a place that I run too so often lol. Who knows, maybe he will publish a book one day too. 

Q's Poem

I believe that love makes sense
I also believe that love takes patience
We have to work hard
Both you and me
Positive effort with positive energy
We definitely have to set out timing soon
Stay consistent to be more in tune
We have to set our goals and keep our commitment
Our love for each other can be strong even in a lot of ways we are different
We will have to work hard with a lot of planning, honest conversation, communication and understanding. 
​

My Free Write:)
Q said we have to put a time limit on my writing for next session:)))

When it comes to marriage I used to think that it took two, but it takes two plus one. Our plus one has to be God. Being a wife can be frustrating sometimes, especially when you have a picture in your mind that was painted on your canvas with your selected colors and type of paint. Love can't only be painted with acrylic paint, sometimes some oil paint and water colors need to enter into the mix. Like prayer, it is needed. When you've been together forever like we have it is easy to accept the phrase, "He knows that I love him" or "She knows that I love her" without thinking about the things that you use to show not tell. My husband and I had a breakthrough moment this weekend. We both agreed  that our marriage needs work and we have to do it for us not our kids. Even though we pray for our love, we have to be willing to try.  We have to put in the work. My honey offered me a fresh start for our marriage and a recommitment of our love. It starts with an intentional act each day and a commitment to staying in the moment. We have a long journey ahead, but we are in this love thing till death do us part learning how to love each other even more along the way.