7/24/2024 0 Comments Dear Abba,.
I've been here before; this place isn't foreign to me. It's like hitting a recurring wall year after year. The same doubts, fears, and uncertainties have arrested my soul and manifested in my body. I've listened to your pastors and prophets, and I feel like they have forgotten their beginnings. I am struggling to attend to the matters in my hands consistently, the things I know you have given me. My heartaches are real, and the storm is stronger within. Which book in the Bible should I enter to calm the seas inside of me? Which song should I sing in this familiar land? How do I build boundaries inside of this broken love that needs mending? How do I keep moving forward without offending those who must be left behind? How do I install windshield wipers in my eyes? Who can I speak to that carry the thoughts of the wise in their hearts? Where are my mentors? Where are my guides? You said nothing is missing, but I feel so empty inside. Abba, will hope come alive? Can it be resurrected in the face of my pain? I need you to show up and forgive me if I am to blame. Shine your light into my darkness and stabilize my inconsistencies. Lead me, and I will follow; teach me, and I will learn by the power of the Holy Spirit. Please release the healing, understanding, and knowledge that I yearn for!!! -Love, Dee July 25, 2024 Back in NYC 2:59 AM #reflective & hopeful
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7/15/2024 0 Comments Love is...Paul said that Love is patient and that it is kind
But what happens when Love is exhausted and wants to step off the line? Finding refuge in the back of the mind, away from the Amygdala. Love enters the "Little Brain." It wants to pray, breathe, and learn to control its balance, posture, and coordination again. It doesn't want to be envious, it doesn't want to boast, but lately, Love has to be honest; it's been complaining the most. No, Love isn't proud of this fact, but Love has been under attack. Its eyes have been open, and it sees all the lack. Love wants to be our soul food, but we classify and treat it like a snack. Still, there is a deep desire for Love to find another way to honor its life while healing our hearts each day. Love has been angered but has released the records of wrong. Love wants to be our roadmap to the place where we belong. A place filled with light where evil can't dwell. A place of truth that can break the spell of the past so we can move out of our way. A place where the grace of God protects and covers us when we pray. A place where Hope is resurrected and restored to our lives. A place where Love perseveres and is victorious in the fight. Hold on to Love; it never fails to make the wrong right!!! Written 7/14/24 10:06 AM Harlem, Bedroom #Reflective 7/15/2024 0 Comments Dear Abba,Dear Abba,
How can I be still with these rolling stones in my way? Will you rescue this girl? She has lost her way. Will you cover me with your wings? Life has broken my wings, but I still want to fly. You say, "Nothing is missing!" But I feel empty inside with nothing left to give you but these tears when I cry. 7/7/24 2:04 PM Harlem, Bedroom #opentoreceive #edited 12:26 AM 7/16/24 7/15/2024 0 Comments Letting GoI'm tired of overthinking and stressing when I know that I am blessed
Protected by heavenly hands Protective custody label on my chest Inshallah, if it be His will, it will be done So why should I waste more time coming undone about this life? When will I accept the message? God's plans don't always feel right, but wrong is something that God will never be Holy Spirit, I release my fears to you Could you open my eyes and help me to see? The things in my past happened to set the present moments in place Help me to remember that I don't have to be afraid when I'm covered with God's grace My Angels are strapped, devil needing permission before he attacks And even then, there will be no lack because God's hands still cover all, and He has my back:) 6/18/24 11:06 AM Bronx Hope #uncertain edited 7/16/24 7/15/2024 0 Comments My heartBefore we were vacant
Emptied from the inside Before we entered this season Hope could be found in our eyes Before the pain, passion called our names And we shared our soul stories We watched each other grow and made love to a steady flow How could things change so quickly? The things we loved were consumed by an external flame Standing helplessly, hoping that the worst will get better again And the broken will mend And the dark will become light And the wrong will become right Maybe this breaking will help us to heal, making all loose things tight Revealing the truth about the things we don't want to deal with when we fight Broken so we can cry out to be mended by the Master's hands Broken so we can ask for forgiveness and return to his plans Broken so our weary eyes can see What God has for us is a part of our destiny!!! Written: 5/28/24 10:01 AM Bronx Hope Rm# 111B #hopeful Edited 7/16/24 12:41 AM Harlem, Bedroom #determined 7/15/2024 0 Comments My refugeMy refuge is inside of me
I go in there when I need to feel safe and protected from life's wrongs I sit patiently with my feelings Some things are easier to sit with than others I face discomfort and tension with equal attention And my unmet needs are illuminated I call each one out by name and permit myself to proclaim I'm more than my pain. I am God's child, And this is my season to free the authentic Dee Her demands for visibility are accepted There will be no reverting to a lesser form of self Neither will there be holding space for someone else while suppressing myself. 7/15/2024 0 Comments Dear AbbaDear Abba,
I feel like I'm drowning. My emotions contaminate my thoughts. I can't trust my feelings, but I must acknowledge their validity. I feel sad, angry and disappointed. I feel like I keep tripping over the guidelines of life because I want to keep everyone happy. How can I murder the people-pleasing woman who lives in me? I know she wants to deliver me from myself. My pain-infused thoughts got me trapped in my yesterday. Reliving what I could've, should've, but didn't do. I know how to give grace to others, but giving it to myself doesn't seem like an option. Abba, I know you said not at this time, but sometimes walking away seems so much easier than facing the sources of your pain. I feel stagnant and unsure. I need clarity for my mind and a hug for my soul. Forgive me for my inconsistencies. I am hoping that you will do a love transplant and fill me up on my empty days. No matter what, Abba, I won't let life steal my praise. Hallelujah, anyway. 5/26/24- 9:22 PM Harlem, Bedroom Emotional Heavy body mixed with salted tears
Transforming fears into mustard seeds on my canvas If only Faith-based were a paint type I would use it like Gesso and prime my life Blending into my soft body Making deep strokes into hope High flowing past the "Bees" Maybe Should be Could be Would be Painting "Fluidity" outside of the shade Blotting the hurt and adding shine to my landscape with my fine brush rounding out my flatness curating a mixed media that captures my tones and textures. Making my self-portrait into a still life where I can be still and know! 5/11/24 8:41 AM Harlem, Bedroom #Lighter Between the lines of a book
Inside the meal created by your favorite cook In the words of a song you heard on the radio On your yoga mat, seated inside the studio On an ice cream cone covered with sprinkles Hanging with a sis-star friend who knows how to mingle On a blank page inside your WNB On the court, ball in your hand, feeling light and free On the track In the park In the morning Or in the dark You can find it whenever you choose to slow down and be still Your breath will be waiting to help you breathe and accept God's will. Written - 5/6/24 6:44 PM Harlem, Bedroom #lighter |
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