Stripping Away the Layers: Rediscovering Myself Beyond the Roles

🔥The younger Dee was always getting into something—trouble found me quickly. I was daring, constantly pushing boundaries, doing things I shouldn't have done, and always wanting more. That hunger for more followed me into my teenage years, and it manifested in ways that could've gotten me locked up, but God had other plans for my life.

As a kid, I don't remember tapping into a creative side. It wasn't until middle school, when I started writing poetry that I found a space to hold all the emotions that felt too heavy to bear. Writing gave me an outlet and a way to express myself, but I was always searching for love, craving it deeply. I gave myself away freely at a young age, trying to fill that void.



Then, at 16, I met Q. He wasn't my usual type, but something about him was different. Looking back, I know God brought him into my life for a reason. Q was the first guy to pay attention to me and make me feel seen. His voice—he could sing—only added to his appeal. I fell for him hard, but the truth is, I wasn't in love with myself.
When I became pregnant in my senior year of high school, I knew everything would change. Many people thought my life was over, but that only fueled my fire. Instead of giving up, I focused on becoming the woman my son needed me to be. My son and Q became my entire world, and I started weaving a bond with them that I believed nothing could break.


💍At 20, I married Q. After an intense moment of clarity, I realized the depth of my love and commitment, and I heightened my degree of service to the people in my life, especially my family. I took on the roles of wife and mother with full force. Somewhere along the way, I started to isolate "Dee" so that the wife and mother in me could fully take root. I became "homemade"; I was the chef, the maid, and the nurturer—everything I thought my family needed to build a strong foundation.
I loved the woman I was becoming, or at least I convinced myself that I did.

📚In 2004, I became a teacher. My first assignment was an 8th-grade class, and that experience reignited my love for writing. The Writer's Notebook became my way into my students' lives, and through it, I also reconnected with myself. Writing with them reminded me of the girl who found comfort in words, and it gave me the chance to learn more about them and, in turn, more about myself.

Looking back at all my roles—mother, wife, teacher—I have mixed feelings. Part of me feels like I grew up too quickly and missed out on being a carefree teenager. But another part of me knows that all these layers and roles created the passionate, driven woman I am today.

Still, I think we all deserve a break from our roles. We need time to exist without the weight of expectations.

Now, at 45, I find myself weary. My soul is exhausted. I've spent years pouring into others, but now it's time to replenish my own cup. Along the way, I lost touch with 'Dee.' The woman who once submerged herself in mother, wife, and teacher roles is ready to rediscover her true identity. It's a reminder that we all need to step back from our roles and invest in our own well-being and self-discovery.

That same hunger for more, the desire that drove my younger self, has resurfaced. It's calling me again, but I'm seeking God's guidance this time. I trust that He has a plan for me, and I'm peeling back the layers of my life, asking the question I've long ignored: Who am I without these titles? 


It's a journey of self-discovery and spiritual awakening guided by the hand of God.

My life has been an intricate path woven with light and shadows. Navigating this journey has been challenging, but there is a profound truth that I have discovered in God's Word and His unwavering love. He is my beacon of hope, my steadfast illuminator. He is my strength when I want to give up, the lamp that casts His light onto my feet. He is my sacred scripture, cautioning me when life gets slippery. Through the precipice of my pride, His voice echoes —a gentle yet insistent call for me to come back and be realigned with His will. This spiritual connection has been a guiding force in my journey of self-discovery and reconnection.

I have been a creature of distraction, often engrossed in my routine and desire for growth. Yet, there is a silent knowing that there is more to my life, and I am confident that I cannot do it without Him.

I don't know where this journey will take me, but I trust God will reveal it in His time. I'm letting go of the weight of expectations, of the things that no longer serve me, and I'm embracing this journey of rediscovery with an open heart. It's time to reset and return to the woman God designed to be. There's a version of me that I'm ready to meet—and I'm excited to find her.


-Dee

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